I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize