The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
