He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
