i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
