we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
worst night to have a conscience
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
