Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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