Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
