NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
