Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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