so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
