I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
