is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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