I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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