Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
