So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
