I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
