She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
