Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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