have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize