she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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