I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
