I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
