Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
