These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
