You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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