I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
