Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
