Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
