She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
