I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
