I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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