I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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