I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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