sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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