Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
