Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
