I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
