WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I will pee on everything he values.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
