I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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