She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
