i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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