dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
