when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
