The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
