his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize