Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
