Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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