woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
