And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
