is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
