How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
