i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
