Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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