It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
