Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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