I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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