Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
