My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
