I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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