Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
