I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need a beard to bite.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
