i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
