I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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