you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
