Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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