i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
