I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
