I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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