Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
