good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
