he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
