i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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