never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Randomize
