I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
