what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
