At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
