i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
