I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
