Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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