i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
