to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This is my gift to your gina
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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