people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
