Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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