pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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