she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
