I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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