It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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