my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
