Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
