Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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