Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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