ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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