i just wanna soil my oats bro
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
