I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dignity is for republicans.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
