got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
