Duck Duck Cougar?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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